Why Your Husband Won't Talk to You

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I recently saw a cartoon depicting husbands and wives talking to one another. The funny aspect of the cartoons was how the cartoonist was demonstrating why men and women fail to understand one another. In each cartoon the husband or wife would say something and the spouse would hear something totally separate and far more negative. In one cartoon the husband hears "Why don't you stick you head in a vice and I will turn the handles until your eyes explode from their sockets?" What the wife in effect said was "why don't we turn off the Tv and talk?" One thing is for sure and that is that the understanding of just sitting and talking for the purpose of talking just doesn't petition to most guys. Not to say that men don't talk, a modern study showed that on average, men use about the same whole of words per day as women do. It's just this understanding of simply talking without a singular topic in mind that leaves us guys feeling particularly uncomfortable and reluctant to engage. Why?

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Well for one reason, men typically feel that talking is reserved for when you have something to say. This is not to indicate that men only talk about leading things, how leading is a batting mean of a ball player you don't in effect know or how needful is the most recent flat panel Tv after all? But you won't see males calling person just to chat or dropping by the house to have coffee and to catch up. They may call to see how you are doing or drop by because they want to hang out and would rather have firm doing that than do it alone. The conversation nearby trivial things typically involves things that in effect interest that singular guy. One guy I know talks about firm investments other talks about his farm animals (goats in this case). So when our wives say "let's talk" our immediate response, internally or externally, is "about what?" When the wife says "I don't know, let's just talk about our feelings and connect" that deer in the headlights look is in effect a deer in the headlights, baffled and fearful as to where this is going. If you had the occasion to listen to the conversations going on in the boys locker room, you wouldn't hear a lot of emotional conversation going on. As a consequence, this whole understanding of talking simply to talk and emotionally associate is uncharted waters.

Another think is that guys are typically not in effect comfortable simply talking about feelings. If you think about the dating period, you will realize that he didn't in effect talk much about his feelings. He in effect spent time listening to you and enjoying small talk. I am reminded of a time I was leaving my office and a young man and woman were standing next to a new Vw Beatle. She was talking about the car and he was paying rapt attention. It was positive that they were in the early phase of their relationship. The change you see in your husband's attention to you is not a loss of love as much as it is a sign of the comfort level and lack of novelty linked with the relationship. Now, before you get too upset with me just remember, you probably don't spend nearly as much time on your appearance just for him nor are you as flirtatious as you once were. Both parties change, just in separate ways. So guys typically don't talk much about feelings simply for the sake of the enjoyment of the process. So when you ask him to take some time to just talk you might as well have asked him to go aged shopping in the morning, visit a tea room in the afternoon and cap the romantic day off with a trip to the ballet. His clear pain with the proposition is not a lack of interest in the relationship, it is a pain with a process he is likely to find unpleasant because he doesn't know what to say.

What most guys don't realize is that the process of talking to their wives doesn't have to be complex or uncomfortable. Typically the wife is approaching her husband to talk because she is feeling disconnected and has been for some time. She is trying to draw close to her husband in the way that she knows and finds desirable. If husband's knew that he simply has to talk a little about the events of his day and listen to the events of his wife's day on a regular basis to address this need, it would go a long way towards resolving this age old problem. I was meeting with a merge and had shared this news with the husband, he tried it and to his amazement his wife was much happier with the level of communication, when he did it. He was also surprised to find that when the conversation started this way it oftentimes turned into a conversation with a greater degree of substance to it. Most men preserve talking to their wives when communicating nearby logistics (I will pick up the kids, will you stop at the store? and so on) or when something in effect big has happened. What they fail to realize is that a little discussion about their day and their thoughts go a long way towards that sense of relationship for wives.

The beauty of this is that this is uncomplicated and seems doable for most men, it is a relief to know what their wives expect of them when it comes to that "talking" thing. It is also encouraging that often, these types of conversations lead to more meaningful discussions because thoughts are spurred for the husband and he doesn't feel like he is on the hot seat to start talking about his feelings because his wife wants him to. If you are a guy and reading this article, hope this helps. If you are a woman reading this record hope it helps you understand you man a little more. You can also exertion to review this understanding to him yourself, or, just maybe, (since it's short) you can get him to read the record for himself. Happy talking!

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